


Paternity crisis

by Vinushuka



Series: One year with Apocalyptica [25]
Category: Apocalyptica
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 17:48:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10904334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vinushuka/pseuds/Vinushuka
Summary: Patrik finally draws his conclusiosions about his hopeless love affair with Eicca. As always Eicca turns to Perttu for support and in the process happens to open up Perttu's eyes: he may not be the father of Anna's child.





	1. What next?

## What next? (1)

It’s hard to describe the anger and pain I felt when Anna interrupted me at the dinner table and de facto threw me out of her life just like that. I could relate to the fact that she was jealous and offended when I mentioned Johanna as a part of my plans but her obstinacy surprised me. She wouldn’t even consider moving to the countryside with me.

      It was so obvious that I couldn’t reason with Anna at that moment so I did what she asked of me: dropped the subject and showed myself out. Maybe she would come around when she had more time to consider my proposal. I promised to call her on Sunday because I didn’t want to lose contact with her under any circumstances.

      I had to sit a while in my car to calm down and stop my hands from shaking. I started the engine, turned the radio on and took a deep breath to steady my heart. Maybe it wasn’t wise of me to drive in this state of mind but I had to get home to clear my head.

      I managed to drive to my apartment safely although it was dark and the roads were very slippery. The shivering of my body didn’t stop so I prepared myself a hot bath in spite of the fact that I had just been to sauna. When I was soaking in the hot bubble bath I closed my eyes and tried to relax thinking about pleasant things like my dinner with Johanna last Thursday.

\-----

      Johanna and I finished our supper in silence after the disconcerting discussion about Anna, the baby and our future. The silence wasn’t awkward; it was full of hope and hesitation about what to do next. When we had collected the dishes away we sat down on the living room couch to listen to one of Johanna’s playlists. She curled under my arm and rested he head against me her eyes closed. I recognize quite a few of the songs that talked mostly about love and missing someone.

“Would you like to dance with me?” I finally asked even though I wasn’t much of a dancer. Details like that didn’t matter because I had a desperate need to hold her in my arms.

“Sure, that would be nice”, she replied and stood up from the sofa offering her hand to me.

      I buried my face in her dark hair as we moved slowly across the room holding each other. I wasn’t sure what she expected of me so I waited her to take the initiative. My heart skipped a beat when I felt her cheek on mine and slightly after that her lips softly touching the side of my mouth. All I needed to do was to turn my head slightly and her lips pressed on mine full of anticipation. After I responded to her kiss there was nothing that could separate us. I clutched to her face like a drowning man to a life line and never wanted the kiss to end.

“I think we should stop here before we do anything stupid”, Johanna finally sighed and let go of my arms.

“Yeah, maybe that’s wise”, I replied out of breath. “But that was the best kiss I’ve ever had”, I confessed really meaning it. I’d had all kinds of kisses but this one was so loaded with expectations and gentleness that I couldn’t remember anything like it. Or perhaps there was one kiss with Anna at my summer cottage last autumn, a kiss after which Lumi most probably was conceived.

\-----

      The memory of Lumi made my thoughts stray back to the present. The sight of her little foot protruding from her mother’s side made me smile. She must become a very determined young woman one day, just like her mother. Anna had wanted a year with Apocalyptica and me and she had made it happen. Now she was clearly preparing for her future after this ‘small adventure’.

      Maybe I wasn’t part of her plans anymore but Lumi most certainly was. Until today I hadn’t realized that there really was someone there inside Anna who was very much part of me too, a little girl of my flesh and blood, Lumi Kivilaakso. When Anna proposed the name to me I immediately liked the sound of it but it didn’t mean anything to me until today. Her little foot had made it very clear that she really was there and that I should be prepared when she chose to come out of her hiding place.

      When I climbed out of the bath and dried myself I felt that I was again in balance with myself. I had now laid out my plans to Anna. If she didn’t agree with me I would have to find another way to keep her and Lumi in my life. But I wasn’t going to back up from my plans. I was going to find a house on the countryside and hopefully Johanna would help me to find it and maybe later on live there with me. I would have to take tell Johanna about my plans as soon as possible because I wasn’t going to be around in Finland very much during this spring. My next riding session with her would be on next Tuesday so that would be a convenient time to discuss my plans.

      As I guessed Anna hadn’t changed her mind after sleeping on it. When I phoned her on Sunday she sounded even more determined than on Saturday. She gave me free hands to do whatever I wanted with Johanna assuming I did the same for her. When hearing that my foremost feeling was relief but the more I thought about it the more concerned I became. Who knows where a competent woman like Anna might end up in an international company like hers? There would be no guarantee that she would stay in Finland. She might very well be stationed in Japan considering her interest in Japanese language and culture. Was I ready to let her and Lumi go?

     I didn’t express my concerns to Anna because it was too early for that and I didn’t want to upset her. I was sure she didn’t have any plans yet but maybe in two years’ time, when Lumi was a little older, there would be. And what role would the young godfather Patrik have in this game? Eicca had been very quiet about Patrik lately. He had always avoided talking about him with me but now the silence was more or less complete. Maybe I should have a chat with Eicca during our Mexico tour next week.


	2. The breakup

## The breakup (2)

I had just had my supper on Tuesday evening and was watching news on TV when I got a surprise call from Eicca.

“Hi Perttu! Can I come by? It would be nice to talk with you in private before the tour.”

“Sure. Is there something specific you would like to talk about?” I asked slightly worried about Eicca’s tone. He sounded somehow off.

“I will let you know when I’m there”, he stated bluntly and closed the phone.

      After the call I realized why his tone made me feel the creeps. He sounded exactly the same when he came to my room at Nashville to quit our relationship after falling for Franky. Now I was really scared. I just couldn’t do anything but sit at the kitchen table and stare out to the dark parking place waiting Eicca to arrive. During the wait I had time to consider all kinds of horror scenarios from Eicca quitting the band to him having a divorce with Kirsi.

      When he finally arrived at my doorstep I could immediately see that he wasn’t himself. His eyes were swollen as if he had been crying and his appearance was somehow dispirited.

“Can I get you something, a beer or coffee?” I asked when he stalked after me to the kitchen.

“A beer, please”, he murmured and slumped on one of the chairs around the table. He didn’t say anything, just stared quietly at his hands resting on the table top. When he opened his fist I saw that he had his angel wing pendant on his palm.

“Oh, you got your pendant back again from Patrik”, I commented as I pushed a glass and a can of beer under his nose and took a juice for myself. That pendant had a really stormy history reflecting the ups and downs of their relationship.

“Yes, he returned it to me. He doesn’t need it anymore… or me, for that matter”, Eicca replied his voice hoarse.

“I’m so sorry”, I said and grabbed his arm. There was very little I could say to make him feel better. I knew the pain. But I was glad that Eicca came to me. Maybe I could understand his feelings better because I had been there myself.

“Can I stay the night?” Eicca asked when he had gulped down his beer in almost one go.

“Of course. It’s been a long time”, I replied trying to recall when he had last stayed at my place. It must have been in January when we were working our asses off with Indigo.

      Eicca seemed to relax a bit after drinking his beer. He toyed a while with his pendant and then hung it around his own neck. “That’s where it belongs”, he mumbled and smiled at me. “Can I take a shower? It’s been a long day for me.”

“Yeah, help yourself. I will bring you a clean towel. Your toothbrush is in the usual place, in the Mickey Mouse mug”, I promised trying not to sound too eager. Making love with Eicca had always been a fulfilling experience to me and I didn’t expect this time to be any different.

      While Eicca was having a shower I removed the bed cover from my bed and checked that we had all we needed in the night table drawer. After that I sat on the living room couch to watch halfheartedly a German detective series. When Eicca entered the living room with only a towel on his waist I closed the TV and stood up.

“The bed is ready, just hop in. I will come in a minute. “

“Take your time, I can wait”, Eicca promised and stroke gently my cheek with his fingers.

      My mind was full of anticipation when I headed to my bedroom roughly ten minutes later. Eicca was talking to Kirsi on the phone but finished the call when I arrived.

“There you are. Come and spend some quality time with daddy”, he purred and raised the duvet for me to enter.

I crawled into his arms and traced the thin gold chain of his pendant with my finger.

“Welcome back”, I said as if I was talking to the pendant but actually I meant Eicca. He had been so occupied with Patrik lately that I felt I was being pushed to a side track in his life.

“Hmm, it’s good to be back”, Eicca murmured when he pushed his nose into my hair and his hand found my eager dick. I reached out for his face and pulled him close to kiss those ever so tempting lips. Suddenly we were in a passionate embrace devouring each other like after a long starvation. Eicca’s blond hair enshrouded my face when he pinned down my body with his.

“Jeez, you’re wonderful”, Eicca whispered when he had pushed himself inside me. This time he was slow and careful with me as if he was afraid that he might hurt me. Or perhaps he just wanted to prolong our gorgeous enjoyment because that’s what this really was. I was floating somewhere between heaven and earth happy that I got my man back. We both knew we could count on each other under any circumstances.

      When we were resting after our lovemaking I finally had the courage to ask more details about their breakup. I knew Eicca was reluctant to talk about Patrik, but I was too curious. “Did Patrik give you any particular reason to breakup with you?”

“Mostly they were the same reasons that I gave him in November: We don’t have time for one another and that he hates the constant pain of missing me. He’s been lately very busy with his new Japanese colleagues. Then he said something about preparing for fatherhood which I didn’t understand. Maybe he has knocked up some pretty girl.”

It took a while before Eicca’s comments sank into my consciousness. As far as I knew Patrik wasn’t much into girls with the exception of Anna. No way, he couldn’t have meant Anna. Maybe he was just referring to his practice period as Lumi’s godfather. Or could it be that he was the father of Anna’s child?

The thought of not being Lumi’s father almost paralyzed me. “Sorry, I will have to go to the toilet”, I whispered to Eicca and rushed into the bathroom. My head was swimming and I had to grab support from the table top. My stomach churned and made me want to throw up.  When I kneeled over the toilet seat to empty the contents of my stomach I had only one thought: This can’t be happening to me.


	3. Serous doubts

## Serious doubts (3)

“What’s the matter?” Eicca called behind the bathroom door when I had spent there maybe fifteen minutes trying to recover from the shock.

“I’m fine, just wait a minute”, I replied and flushed my mouth and face with cold water.

“You look like you would have seen a ghost”, Eicca wondered and grabbed me in his arms. “Was it something I said or did?” he asked stroking my hair. I first hesitated to tell Eicca what bothered me but then I decided I could rely on his discretion – after all he was my best friend.

“Patrik’s comments about fatherhood made me realize that he, not me, might be Lumi’s father. You may not know that Anna and Patrik were lovers before she started to work for us.”

I could sense how Eicca’s body stiffened after my reply. Obviously Patrik had not told him anything about his intimate relationship with Anna.

“That’s a very serious doubt with lots of consequences”, Eicca replied sounding thoughtful. “Would it be a disappointment or a relief to you considering where you are now with your life?” he asked after a short silence.

“I have contradictory feelings… I was already so used to the idea of having a daughter that I would be deeply disappointed if it doesn’t happen.”

“For your information, there are paternity tests that can confirm the fatherhood already before the baby is born” Eicca added carefully.

“Are there? I didn’t know that it could be done before childbirth.”

“Yes, it’s a DNA test and completely safe to the baby.”

“Oh shit! Why did I have to figure this out? It’s going to be difficult to talk about this with Anna, but I guess I will have to. I can’t take the uncertainty for very long.”

“I would recommend doing the test ASAP so that you can get this thing off your chest”, Eicca encouraged me. I completely agreed with him. The only problem was that I had preciously little time before we would fly to Mexico.  At least I could arrange a meeting with Anna before the tour.

“If you don’t mind I will have a discussion with Anna tomorrow morning at the office”, I proposed to Eicca.

“Please do. It will be interesting to hear what she has to say about it.”

\-----

Anna sounded a bit surprised when I called her in the morning and asked if I could see her before our departure to Mexico. We agreed to meet at ten o’clock so that she would have time to sort out her e-mails before that. Anna had brewed some coffee and we sat down at a table in the corner of the office with our coffee mugs.

“Is there something I can help you with?” Anna asked when I had difficulties in starting the discussion.

“Well yes, there is… Eicca came yesterday to see me. Patrik had broken up with him and he needed my support”, I explained in spite of the panic blurring my thoughts.

“Oh really? That’s surprising! Patrik was so happy to have Eicca back after his trip to Japan.”

“Anyways, he told Eicca that one of the reasons for quitting their relationship was to prepare for fatherhood. I couldn’t figure out what he meant with that until it occurred to me that he might refer to Lumi…

“You’re probably right. Maybe he thinks that helping me with Lumi prevents him from dating Eicca or something."

“Or maybe he thinks that he’s the father”, I blurted out my doubts.

Anna was clearly shocked about my words and she didn’t say anything, just stared at her coffee mug. When she raised her eyes I guessed that I had been right. “Actually he asked me once about it and I couldn’t tell him I was absolutely sure that he wasn’t”, Anna admitted blushing a little.

“And you weren’t planning to tell me about it?” I asked trying to control my anger.

“I didn’t want to make you worry needlessly. I think it’s highly unlikely that he’s the father. Besides it’s easy to rule out that possibility after Lumi is born.”

“I would like to rule it out right away”, I said bluntly. ”It’s possible to do that with a simple DNA test before she is born.”

“Really? I wasn’t aware of that. I won’t mind taking a test as long as it doesn’t harm the baby.”

“I think they need a regular DNA sample from me and a blood sample from you but we would have to go to a lab for that.”

“That’s fine for me. We could do it after you’re back from Mexico. I can take care of the arrangements while you’re travelling. Please try not to worry about it too much.”

Suddenly Anna stood up from the table looking disturbed. “She’s kicking me again”, she grinned and tapped her side. I reached out my hand to feel it too. I could easily sense something pushing against my palm.

“Maybe she wants to have a high five with me”, I laughed and forgot completely my anger. I loved that little girl inside Anna far too much no matter whose genes she had.


	4. The unspoken promise

## The unspoken promise (4)

“How did your discussion with Anna go?” Eicca asked when we were relaxing after a decent meal on our plane to Mexico.

“It was easier than I expected. She is 99% sure that the baby is mine but she was willing to take the test. I think it is easier also for her to confirm the paternity as early as possible. We’ll have the test next week when we’re back home again.

“What if she isn’t yours?” Eicca asked looking serious.

“I don’t want to even consider that possibility. I have so strong connection with her that I believe she’s mine…Maybe I would then be the godfather”, I replied feeling frustrated. The idea of reversing roles with Patrik felt almost absurd.

I closed my eyes trying to concentrate on happier things like my high five with Lumi and the hopeful discussion I had with Johanna on Tuesday afternoon.

\-----

      I was planning to take up my house project with Johanna now that Anna had given me free hands. I saved the topic as last when we were taking the horses back to the stables and grooming them after the ride.

“How would you feel about living in the countryside?” I asked while we were brushing the sides of Bruno, my regular riding horse.

“That would be nice but it’s impossible for a single woman like me. I would like to have animals there and grow something organic.”

“What about horses?” I asked excited about the direction our discussion had taken.

“Of course horses would be gorgeous to have just like cats and dogs and maybe some sheep or goats.”

“That sounds almost like Noah’s ark to me”, I smiled at her enthusiasm.

“That’s just a dream… ”, she sighed.

“Maybe we could make it come true one day. I had this idea of buying a country house while I was talking with Eicca on our Australia tour. You know how fit he is nowadays. Part of it is because he’s living a healthy life on the countryside and doing lots of physical work besides playing.”

“Not a bad idea at all but it’s difficult for me to imagine you doing that. You’re so delicate compared to Eicca”, Johanna replied and walked to my side of the horse to hug me. “Your pretty fingers are not exactly designed for chopping wood”, she smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

“Are you saying that caressing you and my cello is more like my thing?”

“More or less…Although I think you would be good with animals and children too.”

“It would be an honor to have all that with you”, I whispered into her ear my eyes tearing up.

“For me too”, she replied and pressed her lips against mine.

      Our kiss sealed up an unspoken promise. The thought of spending my life with her was so overwhelming that it made my head dizzy.

“Would you like to help me to find a suitable house? I will have very little free time during the coming months but the earlier we start the search the better chances we have to find something by the autumn.

“Of course. I can spread the word around in my contact network and keep my eyes open for suitable candidates while you are travelling.”

“I would appreciate that. Sometimes you find the right one just like that”, I joked. I assumed she knew what I meant.

\-----

      I must have dozed a bit because when I started awake the cabin was dark and people sleeping. Eicca had covered me with a blanket and raised up the armrest between us. I was safely tugged under his arm my head resting on his chest. I listened to his steady heartbeat for a while but then my desire to caress him became unbearable. I sneaked my hand to the front of his jeans under the blanket and rubbed the thing inside. Eicca adjusted his body into a more comfortable position and sighed of satisfaction. I opened his zipper and released his dick from the confines of his clothing. I took a firm grip of his stem and started to move my hand up and down.

“What are you doing?” Eicca finally whispered trying to contain his need to move and make noises.

“Nothing, just working out my hand”, I replied innocently.

“Why don’t you work out your lips and tongue”, Eicca hissed between his teeth.

      I did as requested and dived under the blanket to sink his thing into mouth. I could hear his heavy breathing and the gritting of his teeth when he tried to suffocate his moaning at the moment of his climax.

“Whoa, that was great”, he mumbled and caressed my hair with his hands. “Nothing can beat a good fuck on an airplane”, he continued closing his eyes. I couldn’t agree more.


End file.
